25 April 2008

Trouble With The Law

I've met literally dozens of fine attorneys while in the military and only one that I didn't have respect for.  I've never been arrested, accused of a crime (besides three speeding tickets in almost 30 years, the last one over 12 years ago), or sued for anything.

Patterico, and the lawyers who co-blog and comment at his site, is/are a great example of how I feel about most attorneys.  Excellent minds, strong character, and respect for the opinions of others are business as usual there.

I'm currently at my wits end though.  (Note:  I've deleted this part and re-written it four five six times so far before publishing... that's how difficult this is to talk about.)  We're trying to work through an attorney to fix mistakes our first attorney made when we adopted our two daughters.  This new attorney is ate up from the floor up as well, but we've already paid them over 6,000 dollars and can't afford the time or money to search for another one.  This is on top of the thousands of dollars we paid the first attorney.

These last two day-trips out of town were to try and finalize these legal issues.  It took a toll on my health and today was the last straw.  They sent me an email about 15 minutes before the end of the workday saying they needed a copy of my birth certificate before they could go any further.  My birth certificate.  Which, by the way, we gave them a copy of at our very first effing meeting.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know most lawyers are good people trying to do a good job.  I'm just so disheartened right now that it's difficult to blog or even comment elsewhere.  I'm sick with worry that we might lose our daughters and my health is spiraling down because of it. 

I'm taking a break for a while, maybe a long while, maybe forever.  I want to thank everyone who has come by to visit and hope you've found it worthwhile.  I appreciate all the support too, you know who you are.

Be well.

Posted by: Stashiu3 at 22:00:55 | Comments (30) | Add Comment
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However, being I'm one of those lawyers, but not really that much experience in adoption--if you want to email privately with details, maybe I'll have a lightbulb or two.

(kishnevi at yahoo dot com)

Posted by: kishnevi at 25 April 2008@22:52:16 (DqtzB)

2 which was a momentary lapse of memory before I realized you know my email address already.  Time to go to bed.

Posted by: kishnevi at 25 April 2008@22:55:27 (DqtzB)

3 Stashiu, where do you live?  I'm licensed in Illinois.

Posted by: nk at 25 April 2008@23:03:18 (vVpmD)

4 Let me know if there's anything I can do.

Posted by: Patterico at 25 April 2008@23:11:43 (En46O)

5 Same here - no adoption experience but email me at drj432-at-yahoo.com if I can help.

In the meantime, here's some non-legal advice:

1.  Do more than take a break.  You need to really de-stress and not just go through the motions.  Take a deep breath.  Take a hot shower or drink some hot tea and honey.  Watch a funny movie with your kids/spouse and REALLY LAUGH.   Laugh a lot, even if you don't feel like it.  That's very important for you and for your kids, because they know when parents are stressed.  And if everything works out, it won't do your kids much good to have a sick parent.

2.  At some point, you will need to calmly explain all your concerns to your attorney(s) so, in the next days, you need to think about your concerns and write them down as succinctly as possible.  For instance, one point might be that you are concerned they are asking you for documents you provided at the first meeting because it suggests they are not careful with your documents and/or sufficiently familiar with your file.

3.  I think it's a good idea to stop blogging for awhile.  Your mind has other things to think about right now.  All bloggers blog in fits and starts and it will still be here when you're ready.

Posted by: DRJ at 25 April 2008@23:23:27 (wE7Og)

6 Hang in there, Stashiu.  I'll be hoping everything works out they way it ought to.

Posted by: JVW at 26 April 2008@00:14:39 (vecQ9)

7 Gentle Stash,  I am here.  Call if there is anything I can do for you. I wish I had better words, my friend. I am at a loss.

Posted by: sillyblindharper at 26 April 2008@00:57:28 (5+XEL)


For what they are they worth, Stash, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. You’re a good man who has done good works for our country. If there is anything I can do, let me know.

Posted by: JBHood at 26 April 2008@09:05:01 (tycgB)


Stash, you have mail. But I want to offer support here, as well. You are such a good, strong person. Dave and I send prayers and warm thoughts, now and always. With heart, ---Starry

Posted by: Starry Fruit at 26 April 2008@09:20:00 (3wKL/)

10 Stash - I'm terribly sorry to hear about this situation; FWIW, I concur with DRJ's non-legal advice. As well as send my best wishes for a relatively simple, speedy resolution. Like kishnevi said, "Damn".

Posted by: Fatwa Arbuckle at 26 April 2008@10:12:42 (rCrVJ)

11 Jeez. I have nothing helpful to contribute, but I wanted to chime in with...ummm...good wishes and all.

Posted by: S. Weasel at 26 April 2008@11:26:46 (Dy8+A)

12 Stashiu, I'm sorry to hear about this. If there's anything I can do, don't hesitate.

It's been great stopping in here to read your stuff, but family and health have to come first. We'll still be here when you're ready to come back.

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at 26 April 2008@11:59:45 (1Ug6U)

13 Gentle Stash,  You spent a lot of time and effort acting as Guardian Angel for the Midnight Oil threads and I want you to know that we'll all be here when you come back. Heck, we may even be writing along on this same thread, there are people here that I'd love to know! You've brought a lot of people together these last couple of years, Sir. I know the Gerbils from over on Teh Squeaky Wheel but the Morons are a new delight.

 I have great faith in the strength of the people who make up your family. I'll be thinking of you today. As always, call on me if there's anything I can do.

Posted by: sillyblindharper at 26 April 2008@14:58:38 (5+XEL)


My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

This is the only help that I can offer, but we know that Gerbil Prayers are Powerful.

Take Care, good friend.

Posted by: Rabbit at 26 April 2008@18:31:46 (GkYyh)

15 Praying for you and cheering on your efforts. The Moronosphere will drop a few IQ points without you, but we'll keep your seat warm for your return. Take care!

Posted by: Conservative Belle at 27 April 2008@22:55:11 (51fqa)

16 My prayers are with you too of course, we've been emailing, but I thought I'd leave a comment though too. 

Posted by: doubleplusundead at 27 April 2008@23:22:17 (ZuzXA)

17 Just peeking in to leave fresh well-wishes, Stash. I'm keeping this thread warm for you. SQueaK!

Posted by: sillyblindharper at 28 April 2008@03:25:32 (5+XEL)

18 Damn.
Just damn.
You've my prayers and thoughts along with all the others.

Posted by: Tex-LA at 28 April 2008@12:03:45 (yFIK0)

19 Oh, for Pete's sake. Ridiculous. And other words of disgust. Stash, I'm unemployed at the moment, so I have some free time on my hands, not a legal beagle either, but lemme know if I can run some legwork or something for you guys. Take care and stay strong, and in the meantime I'm gonna have a talk with G-d.

Posted by: EW1(SG) at 28 April 2008@13:31:01 (YcNsA)

20 Sending thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Posted by: PattyAnn at 28 April 2008@18:00:11 (RjpjS)

21 Stash, being yanked around the last year with medical insurance companies, I understand the frustration that comes with every single little piece of paper.  It's nothing to them, but it takes a huge amount of effort from you.

I'll see if we can help you from this end.  We aren't lawyers, but we can contribute and offer our prayers.

Be strong, as there's a lot of people pulling for you.

Posted by: Lemur King at 28 April 2008@18:01:43 (xm8X7)

22 Hit your tipjar. Since I'm not a lawyer and know nothing useful to you, that's all I can do for a fellow moronblogger. Best wishes!

Posted by: Steamboat McGoo at 28 April 2008@18:45:29 (DvoWL)

23 I've put the call out on my little blog, too, Stashiu, and will be holding your family up in prayer. Do please try to step away from this for a while and take a good break (as wiser people than I have already suggested).

We've got your back, and lots of people will do what they can to help out a good man!

Posted by: Kat at 28 April 2008@19:21:27 (aw24G)

24 I'm a lawyer too, by the way, so I was happy to help out.

Posted by: Michael at 29 April 2008@18:35:48 (Ph1JO)

25 I've spent my entire  career as a corporate lawyer, but one of the coolest things I ever did was to help my brother-in-law (a pastor who could not afford a lawyer) adopt a son.  The boy's name was Joel, a kid with Down's Syndrome who now had a loving family, and me as an uncle.  That was a great experience.

Posted by: Michael at 29 April 2008@19:00:40 (Ph1JO)

26 I'm just sayin',  it personally pisses me off when people get fucked over by incompetent lawyers.

Posted by: Michael at 29 April 2008@19:04:28 (Ph1JO)

27 BTW, my Mom was an Army nurse during WWII, and worked as a psychiatric nurse in VA hospitals when I was growing up.

Posted by: Michael at 29 April 2008@20:26:12 (Ph1JO)


I've got an adopted daughter and if anyone tried to take her away from me, I'd wind up dead or in jail.  Or both.

I'm not a lawyer and unless you live in Hawaii, I can't come over and help out, but I can hit your tipjar. 

Stay strong, my friend.  Let us know what we can do to help.

Posted by: open channel D at 07 May 2008@18:06:36 (zda7r)

29 Thank you... if they were ordered out of the country, either my wife or I would go with them until everything was resolved.  I understand the sentiment though, someone trying to hurt them would find it... problematic.

Posted by: Stashiu3 at 07 May 2008@21:19:40 (Q5ggV)

30 It took us no fewer than 5 separate but equally incompetent attorneys and a lot of our own effort to finalize our daughter's adoption. We finalized on her 2nd bday and were "held up" by one attorney on the AM of our finalization to pay unearned fees to an atty who completely botched up her end of the matter. They will collude against you! The courts are usually sympathetic when they can see what terrible representation there is about these matters. I have a few competent non-adoption attorneys who tried but could not help much. Good luck- if you keep pushing forward it will all be worked out. We have a beautiful 16 year old daughter who is driving us nuts! We wish the same lovely misery on you.

Keep the faith!


Posted by: D&K at 08 May 2008@12:42:28 (61+Cb)

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